Payback on Poplar Lane Read online

  “Swish,” my brother, Daniel, said. “Swish.”

  I opened my left eye. “Visualizing is silent,” I said.

  “Oh,” he said.

  I re-Visualized. I Heard the crowd chanting “Peter Rules.” I Tasted my post-party Success Snack: one Little Buster’s double fudge brownie and an ice-cold glass of 2 percent milk. I—

  “I flew, Peter!” Daniel said. “I saw it in my brain!” He hopped up and ran around the kitchen table, his cape streaming behind him.

  Dad wiped his hands on his apron. “Great job, Danny Boy!” he said. They high-fived.

  I sighed.

  Daniel is four. He has a lot to learn about Visualizing. Dad is forty. He should know better.

  BUSINESS TIP: Being a big brother is like being a boss.

  First, you’re responsible for someone’s personal and professional growth. Second, you get to tell them what to do.

  Daniel hugged Dad around his chocolate-covered knees. “I like when you stay home from work!” Daniel said.

  I cleared my throat.

  BUSINESS TIP: Employees don’t need to know everything.

  Daniel needs to know that professionals walk and don’t run. That leaders don’t chew with their mouths open.

  He doesn’t need to know that Dad got laid off.

  Tom Reddi says knowing everything confuses people. It makes them uncooperative, unproductive, and unpredictable. Emotional. I’m a CEO. Emotions are not part of my skill set.

  I checked my watch. 3:57 p.m.

  “It’s time,” I told Daniel. I patted him on the back. “Remember: be professional. You can do it.”

  I opened the door, staying out of my future customers’ sight.

  “Swish!” Daniel yelled. He ran past me and barged down the stairs.

  BUSINESS TIP: You can only control yourself and your reactions.

  I shut the door behind him.

  Just as I started my ten Rejuvenating Jumping Jacks, Dad put his hand on my shoulder. He smelled like vanilla.

  “Hope they like the cupcakes,” he said.

  BUSINESS TIP: People who get laid off need encouragement.

  Laid off doesn’t mean fired. Tom Reddi says when you’re laid off, it’s not your fault. It’s in the “Laid Off but Not Lying Down” issue of Mind Your Business. When someone loses their job, you’re not supposed to ask what happened. Ask practical things (“When is your next interview?”) and give helpful advice (“Update your résumé with marketable skills.”).

  “The frosting looks professional,” I said. “Almost as good as the cupcakes at the Cone Zone.” I wouldn’t usually encourage Dad’s baking habit. It’s time he could spend job-searching. But he needed encouragement. And my launch parties needed cupcakes. That’s a win-win situation.

  Music from my “Failure Is Frightening” playlist flowed through the crack under the door. It’s the perfect playlist for Fabulous Fortunes. First, scary music is on-brand with fortune-telling. Second, fear is a great motivator for action.

  “Go get ’em,” Dad said.

  I nodded. Part of my job as a leader is putting out fires. Dad getting laid off is a big fire. But Fabulous Fortunes was a hose.

  One, two, three. I opened the door.

  Showtime.

  —

  “Welcome!” I said. “It’s my great privilege to announce the launch of my new business: Fabulous Fortunes.”

  Half of my future customers stared at me. The other half stared at the Peter Presents, Inc., Cupcake Tower.

  BUSINESS TIP: Be patient. People need time to process brilliance.

  “Yay, Peter!” Daniel yelled. He charged the stage with his arms stretched out.

  BUSINESS TIP: Everything is negotiable.

  That includes hugs. Every night, I hug Daniel after we read bedtime articles from Mind Your Business. But I don’t allow hugs in the workplace.

  I held up one hand to stop Daniel and stuck out my other hand. He grabbed it. We pulled in together for a one-handed hug and back slap. That’s the Corporate Handshake. I learned it from my second mentor, Granddad Gronkowski. He said the Corporate Handshake sends a message: “I like you, but let’s keep things professional.”

  I checked my watch. 4:41 p.m. The watch is solid gold. The engraving on the back says, TIME IS MONEY. BDG. BDG are Granddad’s initials. He told me everything should be monogrammed. A monogram is your brand. Putting your brand on something says, “This is mine.” It also says, “This is me.”

  Granddad gave me his watch before he died last summer. It’s the official timepiece of Peter Presents, Inc.

  “I know this is a lot to take in,” I reassured the crowd. “The floor is now open for questions.”

  Mel Chang raised her hand.

  BUSINESS TIP: People are like machines—predictable. Study their patterns.

  Mel is always first. She has to be. Her blog is about trends.

  “Mel Chang, Poplar Lane blogger,” she said. Mel always introduces herself at media events. That’s how I know she’s a real professional. She held up her Charming Copper Atlas 6.0 phone like a recorder. “Can you tell us more about Fabulous Fortunes?”

  “Certainly,” I said. Mel Chang is an IR: Important Relationship.

  BUSINESS TIP: Invest in IRs.

  Businesses live and die by Mel’s one-through-five-star reviews. Of course I’ve never gotten less than a five. “Fabulous Fortunes is all about quality fortune-telling. By me. I’m a master fortune-teller.”

  “Peter can see the future!” yelled Daniel.

  BUSINESS TIP: Yelling is not professional.

  “Perf,” said Mel. That means “perfect.” Mel makes words shorter. It’s part of her brand.

  “A fortune-teller?” Clover O’Reilly said. “That’s sooooo cool!”

  Clover is not an IR like Mel Chang. I wouldn’t take Clover mini-golfing or buy her a root beer at the Cone Zone. Still, her opinion matters. If she says something is sooooo cool, people listen to her. They have to. She’s loud.

  Gabby Jonas raised her hand.

  “State your name,” I said.

  BUSINESS TIP: Six is not too young for professional training.

  “Gabriella Carlotta Jonas the First!” she yelled.

  4:43 p.m. “Do you have a question?” I asked.

  “How do you know the future?”

  “Trade secret,” I said. I learned about those in Mind Your Business magazine. A trade secret means, “I don’t have to tell you.”

  “I know the future, too,” Gabby said mysteriously.

  I took a deep breath so I wouldn’t roll my eyes. Eye rolling is not acceptable professional behavior when you’re trying to attract customers.

  “Ooh!” said Susie Lorenzo. “What’s the future, Gabby?”

  “Peter’s going to fall down!” Gabby announced. The six-and-under crowd cackled like it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard.

  I cleared my throat to restore order.

  “When do we get cupcakes?” asked Scott MacGregor.

  “Raise your hand!” Daniel yelled.

  “No cupcakes yet,” I said, making my voice deeper. “I still have my Huge Announcement.”

  The crowd grumbled.

  “Hey, show some respect!” Ken piped in. I nodded at him.

  BUSINESS TIP: Loyalty is the most important quality.

  That goes for both employees and best friends.

  Tom Reddi says you shouldn’t mix business and friendship. Ken doesn’t participate in my day-to-day operations, just special events. Still, he’s an important member of my Inner Circle. He even loaned me his Version 5.7 Bionic Wireless Speaker for the launch party.

  Tom Reddi says every leader should have an Inner Circle of people they trust. My Inner Circle is intimate. That means small and exclusive. It’
s only two people: me and Ken. When Granddad was alive, it was three.

  “If we show some respect, then can we have cupcakes?” asked Scott.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “I respect you,” Scott said. “And cupcakes. I get the chocolate one on top. Chocolate is the best.”

  “No! Vanilla!” said Susie.

  “Chocolate . . . chocolate . . .” Scott chanted.

  “My favorite color is light green!” yelled Gabby.

  My professional business launch was turning into amateur chaos.

  BUSINESS TIP: Cupcakes are great for drawing crowds but terrible for distractions. Weigh this decision carefully.

  “All right,” I said. I cleared my throat over and over until the noise died down. “My Huge Announcement is . . . I’m hiring an intern.”

  I waited for applause. Instead, Susie yelled, “Scott MacGregor gassed on my hand!”

  I breathed deeply.

  “Peter said he’s hiring an intern!” yelled Daniel.

  “What’s an intern?” asked Scott.

  “Raise your hand!” yelled Daniel.

  Ken pulled out his limited edition Gulf Coast Gold EtherPhone 7. “An intern is . . . a political prisoner,” he read. “Huh?”

  I sighed. “No. An intern trains to become a business professional. The intern will be part of my prestigious Peter Presents, Inc., Internship Program.”

  BUSINESS TIP: Growth is essential. If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll be who you’ve always been.

  Hiring an intern is my Big Picture Goal for Q1. Interns work for you, but you don’t have to pay them. It’s a win-win situation. Now that Dad’s out of work, I have to hire an employee so I can focus on generating income. That means making more money.

  Mike the Unusual raised his hand. “How much does the intern get paid?”

  “Interns don’t get paid in money,” I said. “They get paid in wisdom and experience.”

  The audience grumbled.

  I wiped my face with my Peter Presents, Inc., Sweat Towel. Walking, talking, and amateur crowd management are too much for one person. Granddad gave me the towel after I made my first sale. “Don’t let them see you sweat,” he’d say.

  “Moving on,” I said calmly. “I’m going offline to read your essays.” Going offline means “don’t talk to me.”

  Ken walked over with the Crystal Ball of Opportunity.

  “Guard the cupcakes,” I told him.

  “With my life,” he said. That’s loyalty.

  I took the crystal ball to my Corner Office in the back of the garage.

  —

  Being a professional means having a professional workspace. I settled into my Executive Lawn Chair and read the first essay.

  “S. A. That’s my essay. (Get it? Say it out loud.)”

  Clearly Scott MacGregor. Immediate disqualification.

  Next.

  “I want to work for you because I am a real superstar.” Gabby Jonas. I rubbed my temples. First, she didn’t even answer the question. Second, an intern is not a real superstar. Interns must be low status. Humble. It’s part of the ecosystem.

  Ecosystem. I learned that word from Tom Reddi. An ecosystem is a “community of organisms interacting with their environment.” My cul-de-sac is an ecosystem. In an ecosystem, people have roles. There are amateurs and there are professionals. I’m a professional.

  Ecosystem is also a science word. It’s about the only thing I got right on my last earth science test.

  The essays got worse. There were two more S.A. jokes and a drawing of a giant cupcake with clovers all over it.

  Last essay. It started, “I know you’re a very busy person and your time is valuable.”

  I raised an eyebrow. This person showed a real respect for the ecosystem.

  This was my intern.

  I made my way back to the stage where Daniel was break-dancing. He stopped when I held up my hand.

  “We have a winner,” I told the crowd.

  I turned the paper over.

  “Rachel,” I said. “Rachel Chambers.”

  Peter Presents, Inc., Internship Application

  (LIMIT ONE CUPCAKE PER APPLICANT)

  NAME: Rachel Chambers

  ESSAY TOPIC:

  Why Do You Want to Work for Peter Gronkowski?

  I know you’re a very busy person and your time is valuable.

  Hi. I’m Rachel. You’re my neighbor, but we’ve never had a conversation. Is that weird? Maybe it’s normal. A little about me: I was recently disqualified from a self-portrait contest. I’m pretty sure that’s not normal.

  I hope I don’t get disqualified for saying this, but I’m not even sure I want a job. I just want to prove I’m not invisible. You’ll probably pick Clover or Scott or some other loud person. I get it. But quiet people like me have a lot to offer, too.

  I guess that’s it. Thanks for the cupcake.

  3

  Rachel

  “Rachel!” Clover yelled. “You won!”

  “I won?” I said.

  I’d never won anything in my life, except for Perfect Attendance. When they announced my name at the end-of-year assembly, everyone was talking over the principal.

  “Rachel Chambers?” Scott MacGregor asked.

  “Puppet!” said J. J. Roma, pointing a dirty fingernail in my face.

  “Oh, yeah!” Scott said. “Nice one, Puppet!”

  I gulped. Peter motioned for me to come onstage. Clover gave me a little shove. Then the crowd pushed me to the front of the room like a pinball.

  Suddenly I was face-to-face with Peter Gronkow-ski. I’d never stood this close to him before. His turban was slightly crooked. He had zero freckles.

  Peter wasn’t an ordinary person. He was special. If he picked me to be his intern, he must have thought I was special, too. He believed in me and what I had to say.

  I didn’t just win. I was chosen.

  “Congratulations . . .” Peter looked down at his card. “Rachel.” His breath smelled like brownies. “You’re the very first intern for Peter Presents, Inc.”

  Everyone stared like I was supposed to do something. What are you supposed to do when you win an intern essay contest? Take a bow?

  I opened my mouth and waited for words to jump inside my brain. Clover gave me a thumbs-up.

  “I can see you’re too excited to speak,” Peter said.

  “This is going to be awesome!” Clover yelled. For a second I felt creaky, invisible puppet strings pulling my body.

  But then everyone cheered. Not for Clover. For me.

  My whole body felt warm, like I’d stepped out of my shell and into the sunshine.

  “Excellent,” Peter announced. “Cupcakes are served. Please show your wristbands.”

  Everyone cheered louder.

  Peter turned to me and stuck out his hand. I shook it. His grip was firm and solid, while my hand flopped like a dying fish.

  “Your internship starts tomorrow,” Peter said. He handed me a green folder. “Just sign these Internship Guidelines to agree to the terms of employment. Welcome to Peter Presents, Inc.”

  Peter Presents, Inc., Internship Guidelines

  Dear RACHEL,

  Congratulations. If you’re reading this, you’ve been selected for the exclusive internship program at Peter Presents, Inc.

  Terms and Conditions:

  You will not be paid in money. You’ll be paid in business education and wisdom passed down by experienced entrepreneur Peter Gronkowski.

  You must report to work by 7:55 a.m. However, please be on call 24-7 in case your services are required. That means all the time.

  BUSINESS TIP: Dress for the job you want. You must wear proper business attire. IMPORTANT: If the attire is a costume, don’t whine or complain about it. Your i
nternship costume is: ROBE, HEAD WRAP, GOLD JEWELRY

  BUSINESS TIP: No one is too good for hard work. Your duties will be: WHATEVER I NEED YOU TO DO.

  IMPORTANT: There’s a zero-tolerance policy for lemonade at any Peter Presents, Inc., retail location.

  Best,

  Peter S. Gronkowski

  Peter S. Gronkowski

  Your signature:

  Rachel Chambers

  4

  Rachel

  That night, Clover and I searched through a trunk of my mom’s old theater costumes. My fortune-teller intern uniform had to be perfect.

  Clover grabbed a purple wig. “I looooo-oooooo-ve this!” she said. Clover has a lot of talents. One is that she can make any word about twenty syllables.

  She wrinkled her nose at a navy blue suit. “This will not work,” she said.

  Here’s a secret. Sometimes I put on that suit and pretend I won the Pulitzer Prize for Cyrano’s Revenge. I practice my acceptance speech in the mirror: “I’d like to thank Dad, my dog Molly, Clover, and the original Cyrano, who sadly can’t be with us today because he’s dead.” I could never give that speech in real life. I’d freeze into a block of ice, and the Pulitzer Prize people would push me offstage with a Zamboni.

  “What’s that?” Clover asked. She pulled out a black velvet drawstring bag I’d never seen before. Inside was a ring—a gleaming chunk of gold on a thin band.

  I tried it on. It slid off my ring finger. On my thumb, it was a perfect fit.

  Clover gasped. “That’s the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen in my life,” she said.

  I held the ring up to the light. It glittered like something magical.

  It was Fate: winning the essay contest, the ring, all of it. Being an intern would be the best thing that ever happened to me. I’d be so confident I could sing “If I Were King of the Forest” backward and on my head for my Pulitzer Prize speech.

  I was ready for anything.

  —

  After Clover left, I modeled my intern costume for Molly. She spun in a circle five times and wagged her tail. That’s a good sign. When she doesn’t like something, she plops flat on her side and sighs like you’re disappointing her.